Sex, drugs and other things I never do.
Simon Caine



60 mins

Castle Centre

Fri at 17:30

Sat at 22:00

Sun at 16:30

Sex, drugs and other things I never do.
Simon Caine

If you like pina coladas, and deep emotional pain. If you get anxious in public, come and see Simon Caine.

About the show

We don’t always get the ending we want in life.

Simon is 31 years old. In his head he feels 18. By this age he thought he’d have his dream flat, dream girl and dream job. He’s single, lives at home and performs comedy for a living (one out of three isn’t bad).

If you’re the kind of person (ie a living human) who feels younger in your head than the age you would tell people, this is the show for you. The show is designed to make you laugh and think in equal measure – and you’ll laugh a lot. I mean, I’m biased but I think it’s hilarious.

About the performer

Simon Caine has been performing stand up for over 8 years. He’s done over 1,300 gigs and has done 2 Edinburgh Fringe solo shows (full runs) as well as 2 subsequent national tours.

Here’s a list of awards he’s come close to winning:

  • finalist in the Laughing Horse New Act (2014),
  • Reading New Act Competition (2012),
  • You Must Be Joking (2011)
  • two-time finalist at the London Comedy Store Gong Show.

Quotes from industry / comedians / writers -

“You’re a more authentic John Oliver” - comedian Doug Stanhope

“That was awesome. I liked it… I don’t know why. But it was great. I’ll have you back” – Mike Manera (Piccadilly Comedy Club)

“What you’re doing is great… the problem is nobody understands it.” – Iain Coyle (Dave TV Comedy Commissioner)

“This is one of the few comedians to make me howl with laughter this year…” – comedian Adam Bloom

“Keep an eye on what Simon does because in 3 years time everybody else will be trying to do it.” – Stu Goldsmith